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Landscape Lighting: Tulsa 2020

How bright is city government? For the purposes of this silly post from the future, exceptionally. In a surprise move, all of Tulsa's Vision 2020 funds, all umpteenish million (do we have millions?) dollars have been spent on landscape lighting. Like, literally, all of it. In some areas of the city they've begun building landscapes that are just nothing but lights. The ground is just a swathe of lights under the kind of heavy-duty glass and steel fixtures you'd expect with lights you walk on. There'll be no grass, no sodding, no flowers even; just lights and lights and lights. It's less like Tron as it is like a bizarre albumn cover for a late-comer to whole psychedelic music scene who was late because the band, their "manager", and everyone involved with the project had been so busy doing psychedlics from, say, the late seventies until about '82 that once they got around to making the album, every idea seemed like a good idea, even ones that were very not! But despair not, dear Tulsan! Some areas of the city shall not be seas of blighting lights reminicent of a deleted scene from the 1984 Transformers animated movie! Some areas of grass are part of the plan, as they say (space aliens, I mean -- we're still needing to build a wall in space, guys). No, in Woodward Park they are, instead, laying out grids of this flexible neon lighting we've, I guess, invented here in the future, or maybe it already exists. I don't know; I'm just writing an excessively long single-paragraph to test the website and can't be bothered to Google this because it doesn't actually matter. But this grid of lighting is guaranteed to piss off the ants, who will NOT be able to sleep, or maybe ants don't sleep -- they seem pretty persistent about swarming on things just constantly so I could believe they are 100% insomniacs. Anyway, the constant lighting at literally ground level will also cause the grass to be just very confused. They'll try to grow up during the day (because flexible neon lighting is canonically not brighter than the Sun, my dude). But during the night the blades of grass will start bending downward, but then they'll get in each other's way and get into blade fights. So, in the morning, some of the blades will just be sliced off, and it will not look a thing like mowing because it'll just be randomly and literally individual blades of grass will be cut down. Meanwhile, the strong who have emerged victorious in their duels or battle royales in some cases, they will just become curly grass, growing up during the day, then down at night -- it'll be really bad in a way that makes you wonder whether this has all been an elaborate way for the oil and gas industry (which is something like all-percent of our tax base, judging by the deference shown them legally and in subsidies) to find new and perverse ways to say "Nature, f--k you! We don't need you -- we never needed you! Now serve me a shot of Johnny Walker Blue with a jigger of straight Diet Coke, because I am that kind of classy."

Okay, I think that should be long enough to test where posts get cut off on the Home page Blog preview section.

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